Is There any Doubt?

 

Doubt

Is there any doubt?

Is there any doubt I am a writer?

Or is it just me sometimes, some days, some hours?

Then you see something, read something or listen to other women writers you admire and see their vulnerability played out as well in their work. It is then I hear myself say, “OK, they doubt themselves at times as well.” I then see them with Oprah or their book launch on social media getting to express that doubt still lingering through their excitement, having made it. Validation now in hand as they continue to create while living through their complicated lives in the process. I take extreme solace in that and appreciate hearing more and more that when you are compelled to write, you are a writer.

When you know what is coming next and you are feeling anxious until it hits paper, afraid it will leave your mind. When you spend every waking hour thinking about it and not sleeping because of it, is that when you can say it?

My heart has given out. My brain has bled. I would be going back to campus myself to teach today as I did last year on my son’s first day of high school. He was proud of me and I was proud of myself, having had a stroke five months earlier. I loved teaching at SUNY Oneonta. I loved all of it. The two hour commute each way, three hours on my feet eventually having my heart attack. My heart broke today as I dropped my son at school and drove to rehab not back to campus. I have even finally changed my profiles.

I am a writer officially, as of today.

Thank you all for your continued support of my journey and continued inspiration. I would not be able to do it and believe in myself without it. Over, Under and Through, that is how we do!

 

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